"Americans Addicted to Fast Food": Ronald McDonald


A Disassociated Press Report, Los Angeles, February 7, 2006


By Eric Mader



Ronald McDonald has a new plan to reduce

Americans' addiction to fast food.


The McDonald's clown, also known as Ronald McDonald, today delivered his annual State of the Union Address.  The address was given in an outdoor stadium before an audience of Los Angeles high school students, many of whom listened while drinking milk shakes provided by the event's sponsor.


"Americans are addicted to fast food," the clown said to an appreciative crowd.  "Obesity is a serious problem in our country, and fast food and fried foods are the main culprit."


The clown assured his audience that they were confident and strong, and that if they only stayed the course they could overcome any difficulty.


"American technology is the best in the world.  We can defeat this addiction.  We will not sit idly by and let ourselves clog our arteries with fats and grease," the clown said.


Ronald McDonald presented a plan to fight the fast food addiction.  French fries could be replaced with carrot sticks, and the calories in hamburgers could be greatly reduced if alfalfa rather than beef were the main ingredient. 


"I'm going to propose that our company set aside fifteen dollars this year to research the possibility of replacing fries with carrot sticks," the clown said.


Some of the high school students debated the clown's proposals after the address, while others were more interested in watching the French fry-eating contest arranged on stage by the event's sponsor.



The Disassociated Press--News for Believers





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