(This unfortunate tale was
written by the students in John Duncan class J229, including Gina, Sandy,
Kenny, Hank, Cindy, Sarah, and Henry.
Henry was earlier made famous by my tale about him, Bye, Bye, Henry!,
and it is certain that he got some revenge on me by his ideas for this tale.)
1.
In February Eric took a plane
to visit his mother in Florida. He
was very happy to go. But the
plane left Taipei very early. Eric
complained to the people at the airport.
ÒEleven oÕclock is not very early,Ó they
said.
On the plane Eric saw a beautiful
stewardess. He wanted to talk to
her.
ÒQuiet, old man,Ó she said.
Eric was very sad. He started to drink whisky. Then he drank more and more. He became so sad that he finally
decided to burn the plane. He
ordered one more glass of whisky and tried to start it on fire with his
lighter. The person in the seat in
front of Eric leaned back to look at what he was doing, and the burning whisky
spilled on EricÕs clothes.
Now Eric was on fire! He was shouting. The stewardess came and hit EricÕs head
with a pan. Eric fell down,
unconscious. They sprayed him with
the fire extinguisher.
Five people worked together to lift Eric
back into his seat. He woke up
when the plane was landing.
2.
EricÕs mother was happy to see him
when he arrived in Florida.
ÒWhatÕs that smell?Ó she asked him. ÒIs that a new cologne?Ó
ÒNo,Ó Eric said. ÒItÕs from the fire extinguisher.Ó
EricÕs mother cooked a big dinner for
him. She made bug salad and rock
soup. For the main course she had
baked fat mice. And for dessert
there was pig oil ice cream.
ÒYou look too thin,Ó she said to
Eric. ÒHere, have some more of
these mice.Ó
ÒDelicious, Mom!Ó Eric said. ÒI love baked fat mice.Ó
One of the neighbors was at the dinner
too. His name was Paul.
ÒSo, Eric,Ó Paul said. ÒHow is your life in Thailand?Ó
ÒIÕm not in Thailand,Ó Eric said. ÒIÕm in Taiwan.Ó
ÒOh, Taiwan,Ó Paul said. ÒIsnÕt that in Japan?Ó
Eric and Paul enjoyed the dinner very
much.
3.
The beaches in Florida are famous,
and the next day Eric wanted to go swimming. But the beach was around twenty-five miles from the house,
and EricÕs motherÕs car was at the repair shop. Also there were no buses he could take to get to the beach
and the neighbor Paul wouldnÕt let Eric drive his Benz.
ÒI will hitchhike,Ó Eric said to his
mother.
ÒBe careful, son,Ó she said.
Eric walked along the hot road for five
hours. Many cars went by, but
nobody stopped for him. The sun
was very hot, and Eric was sweating and very thirsty.
Finally a fire truck stopped to pick him
up.
ÒHey! Get in!Ó the firemen said. ÒWe need some help.Ó
The fire truck took Eric to a large
cemetery and Eric helped the firemen put out a big fire there. After the fire was out, Eric asked the
firemen: ÒNow can you take me to the beach?Ó
The firemen just kicked Eric and
left. ÒWe donÕt like you,Ó they
said.
Eric slept in the cemetery that
night. The next morning he got up
and hitchhiked for two more hours.
At around 11:00 a garbage truck picked him up and took him to the beach.
4.
Eric was very happy to be at the
beach. He went into the locker
room right away to change into his new swimsuit. He bought the suit the last time he took a trip to Japan.
But EricÕs swimsuit wasnÕt really a
swimsuit. It was a loincloth for
sumo wrestling. It was white and
it only covered the front.
Out on the beach Eric saw there were many
beautiful women. Some were from
Italy, some were from France, and some were from other countries. Eric was very happy to see them. A man told Eric that they were in
Florida for a beauty contest.
Eric watched the women swimming and
playing volleyball. He wanted to
join their party, but he didnÕt know how.
He decided to pretend to be drowning. Then some girls would come to give him CPR.
Soon Eric was in the water yelling
ÒHelp! Help!Ó Three beautiful girls ran in to pull
Eric out. They gave him CPR on the
beach for fifteen minutes.
ÒThank you!Ó Eric said to them
finally. ÒYou saved me! Where are you from?Ó
ÒWeÕre from Thailand,Ó said one of the
girls with a manÕs voice. ÒWe are
here in Florida for the Transvestite Beauty Contest.Ó
5.
Eric was very confused. He didnÕt understand what kind of
beauty contest it was. So he
stayed on the beach and drank lemonade with all the girls. He said: ÒSo many beautiful girls! I am so lucky!Ó
Then they had the swimming race. The race was in the ocean. The race was for the transvestite
girls, but they let Eric join because they thought he was very crazy and funny.
The first prize for the race was a Porsche
sports car. The second prize was a
Harley Davidson motorcycle.
Eric was very excited about the race
because he knew he could win. He
knew he would get the sports car!
There were five swimmers in the race. One girl was from Italy, one was from
China, one was from Taiwan, one was from Thailand, and Eric was from
America.
The swimmers went into the ocean and swam
out to the place where the starting line was. A man in a boat had the pistol to start the race. Thousands of people were watching on
the beach.
The man shot the pistol, and the swimmers
crossed the starting line. The
Taiwanese swimmer was in the lead.
The Chinese swimmer was in second.
Eric was last.
Then the big shark came. Because Eric was last, the shark saw
Eric first. The shark ate one of
EricÕs legs, but Eric kept swimming.
He really wanted to win the Porsche!
The shark saw it was a swimming race. So after the shark ate EricÕs leg, it
decided to swim to the finish line.
It passed all the swimmers and won the race. The Taiwanese swimmer came in second.
They gave the Porsche to the shark. The shark was very happy and it put on
some sunglasses and drove away in the new car. The Taiwanese swimmer got the Harley Davidson
motorcycle. Eric lost the race,
and the doctors had to help him with his leg.
ÒThe race wasnÕt fair!Ó Eric said. ÒThe shark cheated. We have to race again.Ó
The doctors thought Eric was very
foolish.
ÒStop moving!Ó they said. ÒWe are trying to fix your leg.Ó
6.
Eric had some crutches and
hitchhiked back to his motherÕs house.
Three days later he arrived at the door.
ÒWhere is your leg?Ó EricÕs mother said.
ÒThere was a swimming race, and a shark cheated,Ó
Eric said.
EricÕs mother laughed.
ÒYou are a very strange son,Ó she
said. ÒBut I still love you. Baked fat mice for dinner tonight!Ó
ÒOh, great!Ó Eric said. ÒThanks, Mom!Ó
7.
Four days later Eric flew back to
Taiwan. He saw the same beautiful
stewardess on the airplane. But
when she saw Eric, she quickly brought him a whisky with sleeping pills in
it. Eric slept until the plane
landed in Taipei.
Email: inthemargins03@hotmail.com
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