Venezuelan Hot Air to be Routed to France: Bush
A Disassociated Press Report, Washington, D.C., Sept. 4, 2005
U.S. President George W. Bush today revealed more of his proposed Storm Wars plan which he unveiled in the wake of Hurricane Katrina. (See article. ) The president's plan entails building huge wind-breaking walls along the coast of Venezuela to stop the weather phenomenon known as Red Ni–o.
Bush's remarks were made during a visit to the national headquarters of the Red Cross. Raising the issue of Storm Wars, the president said the administration intends to position the wind-breaking walls so as to route the Venezuelan hot air towards France. This routing will be expedited by giant fans to be built by Halliburton and powered by generators running on Venezuelan oil.
When asked why the hot air would be specifically routed towards France, the president was forthright.
"The French are a nation of frog eaters who make love with their faces," he said. "They are world power has beens and snobs living on past glory. It's true they didn't try to kill my daddy, like some countries we know, but even so our walls will allow us to drown a lot of the pricks, and there can be nothing bad about that."
Asked by a reporter if his remarks were "for the record," the president ignored the question and continued.
"I can't wait to see a few million of them try to climb that tower they have, I forget the name, anyway, to get above the flood waters I'm going to direct on Paris," he said.
Bush said his plans were in harmony with the wishes of the American people.
"I--and I think I speak for all Americans here--wanted to bomb the French anyway, but now we can save our weapons for North Korea, China, Germany, Russia, Italy, Mexico, Syria, Iran, Canada, Ireland and a lot of other countries who've really pissed me off lately. There are a lot of bastards standing in our way right now if you want the truth."
The president stressed the need for prompt action.
"America is going to need to kill a lot of people, and under my watch we'll do so. And we need to do so now before we get another pussy like that lesbian Hillary or John McCain in this office. Look, if I my dad's Supreme Court friends wouldn't have fixed the 2000 election, and if Karl Rave, Rolf . . . I forget his last name, yunno the guy who fucked up that guy's wife by telling the world she was CIA, anyhow he only just barely convinced the American people that that snowboarding, Campbell-Soup-marryin' wussy John Kerry was a girlieman. Had that pussy got it we'd be gettin' our ass kicked by dipshit countries the size of Zambia," he said.
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