Bush Blames Hurricane
on "Red Ni–o," Proposes Storm Wars Initiative
A Disassociated Press Report, Washington, D.C., Sept. 2,
2005
By Eric Mader
U.S. President George W. Bush, seeking to stem criticism
that a slow federal response has contributed to needless misery, promised
suffering residents up and down the hurricane-battered Gulf Coast that such a
disaster "would not happen again on my watch" and that he would
"address the root causes of this terrible tragedy."
After returning to Washington late Friday from a tour of
the most devastated areas, Bush announced that a recently appointed cabinet
committee had discovered the cause of the hurricane in the Caribbean Sea.
The special committee, appointed last year by the
president, is known as the Global Climate Research Bank, and consists of a high
school science teacher from Amarillo and seven oil industry executives. The committee's mandate is to compile
the results of scientific research on climate change and offer policy
suggestions to the administration.
Bush announced today that the committee had made a
significant discovery relative to Hurricane Katrina.
"This terrible disaster was brought upon us by the Red
Ni–o," Bush said.
The president explained
that the Red Ni–o was similar to the Pacific Ocean temperature fluctuation
called El Ni–o, but that the new phenomenon caused the water to turn a reddish
hue. He also said that there was
strong evidence the Red Ni–o was caused by hot air blowing down onto the water
from the mountains of Venezuela.
"The hot air currents come down onto the water from
the Venezuelan mountains," Bush said. "This in turn heats up the water, which then causes the
destructive storms that wreak havoc on our coasts."
Venezuela is a country in South America. South America can be found on a map
somewhat to the south of the United States, which is in North America. The people in Venezuela speak Spanish
and the country's main export is oil.
"Our evidence shows it is in the Venezuelan mountains
that these hurricanes are formed," the president said. "As Americans, we must face this
challenge with swift and effective action. We must not allow this to happen again."
Talking of the destruction he saw on the Gulf Coast, Bush
evoked the terrorist attacks of 9/11.
"I have seen the suffering of families," he
said. "I have seen buildings
reduced to rubble and have stood at ground zero. Rather than wait for further destruction, I chose to
act. And I will again choose
prompt action as the safest course."
The president proposed the construction of a series of
giant windbreaking walls along the Venezuelan coast. The walls, he said, would be positioned so as to route the
hot air currents eastward, thus ensuring they no longer affected the crucial
area of the Caribbean where the storms were formed.
"According to our current estimates, this project will
take less than a year to complete," Bush said. "To expedite building these walls, we will be seeking
regime change in Venezuela. I have
already informed the Joint Chiefs to prepare plans for a military
operation."
Bush called the new initiative "Storm Wars," in
an evident echo of Ronald Reagan's 1980s defense project Star Wars.
"America has faced difficult challenges before,"
the president said, "and we have always overcome. I am confident that if we stand
together as a nation we can make it through the current crisis."
When asked by a reporter after his speech what the federal
government was doing to rescue the thousands of people still stranded in New
Orleans, the president at first seemed confused.
"Some of those people have guns," he finally
said. "You don't expect us to
try to rescue people with guns, do you?
Someone could get hurt."
Follow Up Stories:
HOT AIR TO BE
ROUTED TO FRANCE
BUSH REBUTS FISHING ACCUSATIONS
Email: inthemargins03@hotmail.com
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