The Soundbites that Got Us There:

An Iraq War Catechism

 

February 24, 2006

 

By Eric Mader  (In memory of Flann O'Brien)

 

Q: What kind of loving people are we?

A: A peace-loving people.

 

Q: And who are you either with or against?

A: Us.

 

Q: And what is it that we did not start?

A: This war.

 

Q: And besides a time, in what of our choosing will it be ended?

A: A place.

 

Q: And what must we never forget of September 11, 2001?

A: The lessons.

 

Q: And what sort of document will we never seek in order to defend our country?

A: A permission slip.

 

Q: And what kind of organization of evil are they clearly part of?

A: An axis.

 

Q: And how are we not going to sit by while the terrorists continue developing chemical weapons?

A: Idly.

 

Q: And after all, this was a man who did what to his own what?

A: Gassed his own people.

 

Q: And besides his own people, who else did he try to kill?

A: My Dad.

 

Q: And in addition to shock, what other word describes the force by which we will strike them?

A: Awe.

 

Q: And after we have routed them, with what kind of arms are they sure to greet us?

A: Open ones.

 

Q: And with what else will they welcome us?

A: Flowers.

 

Q: And what kind of walk will it be?

A: A cake walk.

 

Q: And after our troops have entered Baghdad, what kind of mission will that be?

A: A mission accomplished.

 

Q: And what kind of intelligence did Democrats and critics have in relation to that seen by the administration?

A: The same.

 

Q: And residual what of Saddam's regime are behind this insurgency?

A: Elements.

 

Q: And what kind of elements besides make up this insurgency's core?

A: Foreign ones.

 

Q: And what sort of message is it that we don't want to send our troops?

A: The wrong one.

 

Q: So what must we do with the course?

A: Stay it.

 

Q: And we began this war in order to make Iraq into what kind of nation?

A: A free and democratic one.

 

Q: And we will not quit until we have achieved our what?

A: Our goals.

 

Q: And in addition to the hearts of the Iraqi people what else are we eventually going to win? 

A: The minds.

 

Q: And what kind of accident is it when a wedding party gets bombed or children get crushed under falling rubble?

A: A regrettable one.

 

Q: And what sort of damage is it that causes those kinds of deaths?

A: Collateral.

 

Q: And what sort of apples were responsible for the abuse of detainees in Abu Ghraib?

A: A few bad ones.

 

Q: And what continues to improve on the ground?

A: Conditions.

 

Q: And in how long a period was Rome not built?

A: A day.

 

Q: And though you can run, what is it you can't do?

A: Hide.

 

 

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