The Soundbites that Got Us There:

An Iraq War Catechism


February 24, 2006


By Eric Mader  (In memory of Flann O'Brien)


Q: What kind of a loving people are we?

A: A peace-loving people.


Q: And who are you either with or against?

A: Us.


Q: And what is it that we did not start?

A: This war.


Q: And besides a time, this war will be ended in a what of our choosing?

A: A place.


Q: And what is it of September 11th that we must never forget?

A: The lessons.


Q: And to defend our country what sort of slip is it we will never ask for?

A: A permission slip.


Q: And what kind of structure or organization of evil are they clearly a part of?

A: An axis.


Q: And while the terrorists continue to develop chemical weapons, how is it that we are not going to sit by?

A: Idly.


Q: And after all, this was a man who did what to his own what?

A: Gassed his own people.


Q: And besides his own people, who else did he try to kill?

A: My Dad.


Q: And in addition to shock, what other word describes the force we will employ?

A: Awe.


Q: And after we have routed them, what kind of arms will they surely greet us with?

A: Open ones.


Q: And with what else will they welcome us?

A: Flowers.


Q: And what kind of walk will that be?

A: A cake walk.


Q: And after our troops have entered Baghdad, what kind of mission will it be?

A: Mission accomplished.


Q: And what kind of intelligence did Democrats and critics have in relation to that seen by the administration?

A: The same intelligence.


Q: And behind this insurgency we can identify residual what of Saddam's regime?

A: Residual elements.


Q: And what kind of enders are these?

A: Dead-enders.


Q: And besides these elements the insurgency's core is made up of what other elements?

A: Foreign ones.


Q: And what kind of message is it that we wouldn't want to send our troops?

A: The wrong one.


Q: So what must we do with the course?

A: Stay it.


Q: And we began this war in order to make Iraq into what kind of nation?

A: A free and democratic one.


Q: And we will not quit until we have achieved our what?

A: Our goals.


Q: And in addition to the hearts of the Iraqi people what else are we eventually going to win? 

A: The minds.


Q: And when a wedding party gets bombed or children get crushed under falling rubble what kind of accident is that?

A: A regrettable one.


Q: And those deaths are caused by what kind of damage?

A: Collateral damage.


Q: And what sort of apples were responsible for the abuse of detainees in Abu Ghraib?

A: A few bad ones.


Q: And what continues to improve on the ground?

A: Conditions.


Q: And in how long a period was Rome not built?

A: A day.


Q: And though you can run, what is it you can't do?

A: Hide.








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