White House Aide
Leaks Transcript of Bush Holiday Call
The Disassociated Press, Washington, D.C., January 18, 2008

A possible transcript of President Bush's holiday call
to troops in Iraq has recently surfaced.
The White House had previously refused to disclose
contents of the call.
A person claiming to be a White House aide yesterday leaked a transcript of US President George W. Bush's December 24th holiday greeting call to American troops stationed in Iraq. The transcript was leaked to the Disassociated Press, and only the president's side of the conversation was presented in the text.
The Disassociated Press is presently trying to verify the authenticity of the text.
The complete transcript follows:
G.W. BUSH: "Hello? . . . Hello? . . . Yes. Hello. . . . Yes, it's me. Yes, your Commander in Chief. Had some trouble reaching you there. Can you hear me? . . . Good. Well, I just wanted to call and wish you all a Merry Christmas. . . . Yes, we were just sitting here, Laura and I, here by the fire, and, well, we just thought we'd send you a little holiday cheer. Wanted to let you know what a heckuva job we think you've been doing. Keeping the peace between Sunnis and Shias, I mean. . . . Yes, it's true. . . . No. Laura and I are both very proud of you. We wanted to call and send you some Christmas cheer.
"What? . . . . Well, yes, that's true. . . . Yes, I know when we first sent you over there, well, I know we said you weren't going to get involved in any kind of nation building, and. . . . What? . . . . Right. . . . Uh-huh . . . Well, sometimes things don't turn out as planned. . . . Yes. It's true in a way, I mean, in a way you're now over there involved in nation building--just in a way though, building the new nation of Iraq. . . . Well, because it's important, it's an important job you're doing, the most important there is, I think. . . . Yes, I really do believe that. . . . Yes, I think you've all been doing a heckuva job. Really.
"What?. . . . Yes, I know that was the plan at first. We planned on establishing democracy over there, I know it, but . . . Excuse me? . . . No, we're taking this thing one step at a time, that's where the situation is currently. There's this sectarian thing to deal with, democracy will come later. . . . No. The thing is. . . . No. We've got to put democracy on the back burner while we stop them killing each other, as you yourselves can see. . . . Yes, I know. . . . I know that's what you've been doing. And you're managing it pretty well too, don't let anyone . . . Yes . . . . Yes, and we think you deserve a little holiday cheer, Laura and I both think so. You should just. . . We think you should kick back, enjoy your special hours off duty, enjoy the turkeys we sent you. . . . You got the turkeys? . . . Only two turkeys? . . . . Two? . . . Well, what the hell, I'm gonna have to talk to someone about this. . . That isn't right. . . . No. I can promise you the plan was to send a lot more than two turkeys. . . ."
"Sorry? . . . Yes, you'll all be coming home soon, you have my word. You'll be coming home as heroes. . . . Sure, why not, when you get back there will be all the turkey you can eat! Sure! . . . Yes, I'll have to start working on that. As it is, every day I . . . Yes, I understand that.
". . . Yes, some people say if Dick and I had planned the first months of occupation that, well, you know, you might not all still be over there. . . . I admit it. . . . Yes, I admit some mistakes were made, and for those mistakes I'm truly sorry. Dick and I both. . . . Donald?. . . Well, I'm not sure about Donald. He's kind of . . . Well, I'm just speaking for Dick and myself here.
"Listen, I want you all to know I've done my best to watch over this mission, taking more vacations than any president in modern history, and I've been. . . . What? . . . Well, no, I don't think it's strange at all. I mean, I haven't just been golfing and mountain biking down there. I'm doing my job as Commander in Chief, watching over this mission. . . . Yes, of course I take this job seriously, I take it very seriously, and you should too. I mean . . . Well, of course Laura takes it seriously. . . . What does Laura have to do with it? . . . Well, you should. I just don't see . . .
"Yes, I know that. . . . Yes, I can see that maybe you think that back at the beginning, I mean back at the start of the war, well, maybe we didn't take question of sectarian violence seriously. . . . Yes. . . . Well, you've heard that. . . . No, I admit I didn't read all the briefings on the situation in Iraq. There were. . . . Yes? . . . Well, there were a lot of them, you know. . . . And so what about it? . . . Yes, sometimes I didn't even read the 2- or 3-page summaries of briefings they were giving me 'cuz I wasn't reading the big fat briefings they gave me first. And so what? . . . Alright, I know what people have said. . . . Yes. . . . Well, I'm gonna tell you. . . . No, just gimme a minute here. . . . No, I said I'm gonna tell you. All this talk about reading briefings, well, sometimes these things are true and sometimes they aren't. You shouldn't believe everything you hear. I mean, everybody knows . . . Yes, of course Laura can read. . . . No, she's a busy woman, I don't think there's any need for her to be reading the briefings to me. I don't see. . . . Well, how about this? I mean. . . . No, just gimme a minute, will ya? . . . How about this? What I want to know is, if all these things need to be so carefully studied ahead of time, what's the damn meeting for anyway? Huh? . . . Yes. That's what I want to know. . . . Yes, exactly. That's exactly how I see it. . . . Well, you tell me! I mean, if conducting a war is all about studying briefings, well, why can't I just study them ahead of time and send in my decisions by email? I mean, a president . . . No, you listen to me. A president is a busy man, I've got places to be and people to see, I've got family like all of you . . . Yes, I know that. . . . No, you will be seeing your families soon, you have my word on that. . . . Yes, I agree with you there. . . Yes, I know it's gone on longer than World War II, and we're not happy about it either. We're working on it every day. Just the other. . . . What? . . . Listen, we've been over this nation building business. I believe I just addressed that. . . . Well, I've done my best on this, that's the point, and I'm just calling. . . . No, I'm calling to let you know we think you're doing a heckuva job there too. . . . Yes, I mean it . . . No, it isn't just rhetoric. . . . No. . . . It's an important job you're doing, you can be proud of it too. We thank you for it. All of America thanks you. . . .
"Sure. . . . Yes, I see. Well, yes, there have been doubters who've come forward, of course, doubters asking why it is that keeping peace between ethnic groups on such a distant piece of turf is so important to us Americans. I mean us here in the US. . . . Well, no, I know they've said that. . . . No, what I always say when they come forward with their doubting, what I always say is, Support the troops! You know? . . . Yes, that's how I really feel. . . . Well, you're doing this difficult job, so it must be important, no? I mean, think about it. Otherwise why would you be doing it, right?
"Well, we've got to be on the ball about many things around here. For one, by taking out Saddam like we did, we've given the Iranians a good opening for expanding their influence in the Shia parts of Iraq--those southern parts the British used to help us with. So . . . Yes, I know. So that's why you've been seeing the Iranian influence over there. . . . No, it wasn't. . . . No, I don't think you should use that kind of language. . . . I don't think you should call it a fuck up. . . . No. . . . That's alright. . . . No, Laura's in the other room. . . . Yes, I know. . . . Yes? . . . Of course. One thing you're busy on now, and I'm aware of it, one thing that's crucial I mean, is that you're not just keeping the Shia from killing the Sunnis and the Sunnis killing Shia, but you're keeping the Shia from befriending the Iranians, their Iranian friends who they're already friends with. I'm aware of it, and it's a problem. So you see I have been studying this. . . .
"What? . . . Well, that's just what I'm talking about here. So our goal now is to ensure the Shia in Iraq love us more than they love the Iranian Shia who are their cultural and spiritual brothers. We want them to love us Americans even more . . . What? C'mon now. . . . No, stop laughing. . . . Now stop fooling here, this is your Commander in Chief, and I'm serious about what I'm saying here, so listen up. . . . They ought to love us over there, I mean really love us, because heck, look what we're doing for them, I mean would they ever . . . Now listen, I thought I already told you about using language like that. . . . It's not a big fuck up. . . . No, it's not. . . . Of course I know that. . . . . It's a real can of worms, I know it is. . . . Of course. Because the same time we're trying to make them love us, we don't want them to love us too much because then the other Iraqis, the Sunnis I mean, will hate us because the Shia are killing them and vice versa. So it's a real mess you've gotten into over there, I understand. Don't think I don't. I don't envy you one bit, believe me, but. . . . But listen, Laura and I are both proud of you, we're really proud to have. . . .
"Excuse me? . . . . No, don't talk like that. . . . No, it just isn't true. We're making progress in this mission every day. Real progress. . . . Oh, c'mon. From what I'm told, the Iraqis are just itching for us to leave so they can all dice it up to their hearts' content. The Sunnis and the Shia both, and the Iranians in the south, they can't wait for us to get outa there so they can. . . . No, it is progress. It is. Because you know what we'll do to them? . . . No, you know what we'll do to them? We won't leave, that's what. How you like them apples? . . . What? . . . No, Ijust mean we'll wait 'em all out, at least until my term is over. We'll wait 'em out, you'll see. . . . Yes. We'll make 'em sit on their asses, or their AK-47s, or whatever they're sitting on. . . . No. . . . No, I think that would send the wrong message. . . . No, the strategy here is clear, and I am. . . . No, listen, I am your Commander in Chief. . . . And the. . . . Listen, will ya? . . . The strategy we have now is to wait them out, and . . . . No, this doesn't affect your coming home, because you know we have plans to . . . No, well I know about that, and I know it's unfortunate that. . . . Well, we're working on it. Things are coming around. . . .
"Because that's the strategy here, that's the course we're taking, and what it will do is it will delay them, make them wait longer, and nobody likes delays, you see my point? . . . No, the point is pretty clear I think. . . . No. The plan is designed to get their goat, see? That's the strategy, we're gonna really get their goat . . . . No, by making them wait awhile longer, wearing them out with all the waiting, and eventually. . . No. Because, and you can see it yourself, because here they're all jockeying for power and storing up their weapons, but here we are just sitting there making them twiddle their thumbs. It really must be getting them. We're there and. . . No, I think it's working just fine.
"Listen. . . . Listen here. People have differences on this, I'm aware of that. . . . No, we still think you're doing a heckuva job over there, making them wait this out while I'm in office. . . . But listen. . . . No, this is getting long here. . . . No, I mean I've got to think of this long distance bill, this is getting pricey. I'll catch hell when Laura opens the bill. . . . Well, no, we actually do get a long distance bill here. . . . No, that's not how it works. . . . Yes, we do. . . . Listen. . . . I'm proud of you keeping this thing at a standstill, these Sunnis and Shias, I'm grateful for your sacrifice, keeping this thing on ice until we can pass it on to the next administration . . . I think. . . Yes, that is my point . . . No. Why? . . . . No, I'm not making a joke. . . . No . . . Well, yes, you can quote me if you like, I don't really give a damn. . . .
"Fine. . . . So we have our differences. But even so, I'm not a man to hold a grudge, and . . . Laura and I . . . . Laura and I wish you a Merry Christmas. America wishes you a Merry Christmas. The free world does. You're doing a heckuva job. Goodbye."
The Disassociated Press--News for Nation Builders
THE MANHATTAN REICHSTAG REVIEW
Email: inthemargins03@hotmail.com
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