The John Edwards Genetic Conspiracy:
A North Carolina Republican Reveals the
Truth about Kerry's Running Mate
August
10, 2004
Readers:
Perhaps we have been wrong to see the
Bush team as the most serious threat to American freedom in this new
century. If the allegations in the
following letter are true, there may be a greater menace brewing in our
country. We will be looking into
this further.
Eric Mader
Editor in Chief
Manhattan Reichstag Review
I'd like to introduce you to my
neighbor. I'm from Raleigh, North Carolina, and for several years I've lived
around the corner from vice-presidential candidate John Edwards. My neighbor
John has been in the news a good deal lately, but it's hard to tell about the
man himself from the coverage. Maybe I can help you get to know him better.
Even several years ago, before he
was elevated to the national stage, my neighbor John didn't socialize much with
other neighbors. He didn't gather with other neighbors at the Fourth of July
and he didn't come out to the sledding hills to watch the kids play after a
snow. My neighbor John preferred to jog through the neighborhood by himself. We mostly saw him when he was jogging.
There's no sidewalk on Alleghany
Drive, John's street in Raleigh, and if you drove past him as he was jogging on
the road and didn't slow down enough for his taste he'd flip you the bird. Even
after he became a U.S. Senator, he'd still come home to Raleigh every once in a
while, would still jog through the neighborhood, and would still flip the
occasional bird to passing cars.
One of the last times he showed me his middle finger while jogging was
about four years ago. Since then, he is rarely in town. When he is home,
though, we in the neighborhood all know it.
My neighbor John invited
reporters from TV, radio, and print news organizations to come to his house in
January 2003 for the announcement of his presidential bid. He didn't want any
news vans parked on his property--in fact, he made sure all the cameras and
reporters waited in the street at the bottom of his driveway. That way everyone could get good
footage of him strolling down the driveway to make his announcement, young children
in tow. So the news vans drove into the yards of other people in the
neighborhood and parked there. I heard two families ended up re-sodding their
damaged yards, and John never apologized to anyone, much less offered any
compensation. Families who live next to my neighbor John have since put up
posts at their property line to try to keep that sort of thing from happening
again. The result was that when
news vans had no space to park on the street they ended up occasionally trying
to park on John's property. Well
my neighbor John wouldn't tolerate that, even though it was his own political
career they were trying to cover, so he built a high security fence around his
property, an electric fence, with a gate on his driveway. My "Democratic" neighbor John
lived in his house like in a castle with a moat.
Many of us in the neighborhood
protested the electric fence because we understood it was a hazard to the
community. What if children were
to touch it while playing? But my
neighbor John didn't care about that: he didn't even respond to the letter of
complaint we put in his mailbox.
One time as I was walking my dog past his house I looked up from the
street and there he was standing in a second-floor window looking out. He flipped me the bird, then closed the
curtains as he stepped back from the window.
It was only when CNN did an
interview with some of the neighbors about the electric fence and John's
all-around neighborliness that he decided to try to improve his image in the
community. A bad image in his home
community could tarnish his national image, you see. So once in awhile, when he made it to town, he would have
"community youth meetings" at the high school with groups of high
school students to discuss civics issues.
His campaign people presented this as an example of how, even though
John was so busy with his presidential campaign, he still cared too much about
his own community not to spend time there. I think it was after the third such meeting with the high
school students that my neighbor John decided from then on to hold the meetings
in his house. So the cars would
come with the kids in the early evening and drop them off, and John's electric
gate would open and the kids would go in for pizza and a discussion of
"civic values." But then
it turned out--a strange coincidence it was--that two of the girls who were
going to the meetings were pregnant.
And then a third was discovered to be pregnant. And then a fourth. Finally the meetings stopped when a
local newspaper did a story on this "strange coincidence."
It was about this time that my
neighbor John began to remodel the outside of his house, if remodeling is the
right word here. He surfaced the
whole thing with stone and refashioned the windows in a kind of Gothic
style. It was very strange and
didn't fit in at all with the neighborhood. And on the side where the bedroom
presumably was, my neighbor John erected a large round tower with a crenellated
top, like on a castle. When he was
in town, he would sometimes stand up on his tower looking around with
binoculars. None of us in the
neighborhood knew what he was looking for. If anyone passed or any cars went by while he was out on his
tower he would flip them the bird.
Finally the four local high
school girls who had become pregnant during the time of the "civics
classes" came due. It was a strange thing noted in the community that all four
gave birth to boys. But stranger
still was that only a few months after their birth, all four of these
"boys" had already grown up to look like 17 or 18-year-olds. Of course a journalist from the main
local paper covered this bizarre story.
How could it be so? It was
medically impossible. What had
actually happened? Could it really
be true that these 17-year-olds were the same people as the babies that had
just been born, or was it just some kind of hoax?
The mothers of these boys all
swore they were their children, that it was not a hoax, but then the mothers
themselves could not explain what was going on. And soon after the first articles appeared, the journalist
who was covering this story was found dead in a field outside town. It seems he shot himself, or at least
that is what the official investigation claims. And for some reason nobody after that looked into the real
story of these odd boys who were growing so fast.
At that time I would see the boys
around town now and then. They
often hung out together. And I can
vouch for what many other neighbors say too. Those boys look exactly like
miniature versions of my neighbor John.
They are short in the same way, they have the same face and the same
smile. They are obviously John's
children. But how could it be?
It is commonly known that John's
brother-in-law works for Corell Genetics, a bio-research company. Corell claims to be working on medical
applications of genetic research.
Many of us in the community at that time began to speculate that maybe
there was some kind of genetic experiment going on, and that this was the
reason for the strange growth of those four boys. But the fact is that since the "suicide" of the
journalist most of the people in our town have been afraid to question this situation
too closely.
All of this was how things stood
several months ago. Since then
everything has become more serious, and I for one am very surprised that the
major media are not covering what is going on here. There is some kind of media blackout: that is obvious.
My neighbor John has bought out
the house next door and expanded his property. His own house was made larger and the castle renovations
have continued. There is now a
helicopter pad on top of the structure that he built where the neighbors'
house used to be. I myself once saw a helicopter land and John Kerry get
out. Waiting for him on the roof
were my neighbor John and various young men in black shirts. My neighbor and the young men saluted
Kerry as he came out of the helicopter and then all of them went inside.
But this is not the scariest
thing. The scariest thing has to
do with those four "sons".
Did I say four? Somehow
there are now almost forty or fifty of them in town, all nearly identical and
all looking about 17 or 18 years old.
Of course all of them look a lot like my neighbor John, but nobody dares
any more to even mention this.
These "sons" hang out in groups and salute each other, and
they have also taken up jogging.
They are everywhere on the roads jogging, whether day or night, and when
you pass one in your car they always flip you the bird. The other day I was in the parking lot
by the Walmart and saw one running in one direction and one in the opposite
direction on the same road. They
were running toward each other, but still about a hundred yards apart. Then a car passed. Of course they both gave the car the
bird as it passed and then both, as they passed each other, saluted. It was a very sickening sight.
As I write this I am sure there
is not a single stretch of any road anywhere near our town that does not have
at least one of these "boys" jogging on it. Nobody in this town knows what to do, nor do any of us know
exactly what is going on. Every
day there are more helicopter landings at my neighbor John's house-really it
has become more like a fortress now--and every day there seem to be more of
these boys. Why the media doesn't
cover this I have no idea. Is this
even America any more? Is this the
new Democratic Party? Does it have
something to do with Kerry's support of stem cell research? All I know is that things are very
strange around here, and that I am certainly voting for George W. Bush in
November. I only hope this story
will get out in time to convince other Americans of what it might mean to have
Kerry and Edwards in the White House.
Anonymous
Raleigh, North Carolina
August 5, 2004
[This is certainly a frightening letter. Well, to tell the truth, this isn't the
exact text of the letter as we received it. The real letter, written by a
real North Carolina Republican, begins with John Edwards' bird-flipping, goes
through Yardgate (where the media vans damaged the neighbors' lawns), and then
goes on to cast aspersions on Edwards' work as a lawyer. So we've changed the
second half of the letter somewhat, made it more colorful.
In truth, John Edwards probably has as much connection to cloning as
Saddam's Baathists had to Al Qaeda.
Which is to say: there is certainly enough of a connection there to
make a viable case that Edwards is a threat to America. And this is precisely the point: John
Edwards is a menace to our country and the world. He is a man who must be dealt with, sooner rather than
later. This letter from his
neighbor--first-hand testimony mind you--proves it. It would be irresponsible of us to let this menace
grow. Vote Bush in 2004, and keep
the bird-flipping joggers from spreading all over this great land. --E.M.]
Email: inthemargins03@hotmail.com
---------
This page is at http://www.necessaryprose.com/
---------